


Cracks In Time

by daxcat79



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Family Drama, Mental Instability, Psychological Drama, Romance, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-08
Updated: 2014-01-08
Packaged: 2018-01-07 23:54:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1125887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daxcat79/pseuds/daxcat79
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A lifetime together and the cracks continued to splinter and spread.  She’d warned him that if he kept going it was bound to shatter.  He just hadn’t realized she wasn’t the only one who’d be left in pieces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cracks In Time

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually pretty tragic compared to other stories I've written, but I really wanted to shine a light on the relationship between Amy, River, and Rory. They made it work, but it was obviously something that affected all three of them deeply, and especially River. I also found the story of the cracks in the skin of the universe rather poetic... hence this. Just understand, I tried to give it the happiest ending I could considering!

He wasn’t supposed to run when he was scared, but since the moment he first met River Song… it’s all he’d ever been doing. He wasn’t the kind to scare easily. He’s faced every monster, every villain, and every cursed creature known to this universe without blinking (especially the angels; don’t ever blink with angels around). He’s faced all that and lived… conquered. It felt poetic that the one thing he couldn’t face, the one thing that truly made his hearts beat in terror was a woman. Not just any woman though… this woman was special. This woman was River Song.

He ran from her so many times. He ran to her just as many. He came when she called. He always came when she needed him whether he wanted to or not. Despite the fear, and the running… he could never ignore her completely. She was the mystery he couldn’t solve… so eventually she solved it for him. In one day she became little Melody Pond, his best friend’s daughter, just a tiny innocent thing that still hated his bowties. River Song wasn’t so scary anymore. After all… why would he ever run from a Pond?

“You’re doing it again.”

“What am I doing?”

“You’re staring… it’s extremely irritating, Doctor.”

He hadn’t realized he was staring. He did that quite a lot since Demon’s Run. The Doctor was looking for something, but he couldn’t quite remember what it was he was searching for. Here she was… absolutely amazing, and standing before him. He couldn’t stop thinking of all the cruel things he’d said before he knew her. Melody! Melody Pond, how could he not have known? “River… there’s something I should… that is to say… I may have said some things I shouldn’t have once… several times,” he found himself rambling, wondering if it were possible to apologize for something he hadn’t done yet.”

“Out with it, dear… before your eyes burn a hole through my hair,” she insisted, amused by his inability to speak properly.

The Doctor frowned, leaning against the console with a long-suffering sigh. “Your mother and I… we were standing there and I asked you a question. I asked if I could trust you.”

River had been quite busy piloting his ‘Sexy.’ He had to admire her skill, even if it was far too efficient for his liking. She was calculating and smooth. She manipulated the Tardis as if it were a _part_ of her, connected in some way. It wasn’t surprising considering she was conceived in the Tardis. They shared a bond not even he could understand fully. His words gave her pause. It was a shift in everything she did, as if hit by some sort of freezing ray from those childish comics Amy had made as a child about him. “What did I say?” River asked softly.

“ _Where’s the fun in that?_ ” he replied, folding his arms, watching her carefully.

In an instant she was normal once again, smiling wide. The wall returned, as if nothing had ever happened, but he’d seen the change. He realized in that moment why he’d always been afraid of her… why it took seeing where she came from to accept the woman she’d grow into. He had reason to run from this, from her. River Song was just like him. What she was hiding was worse than _spoilers_. Her eyes traveled the length of him, and he heard her laugh wickedly. “Oh sweetie, I am good! You must admit!”

Yes, he could certainly agree with that.

*~*~*

The Doctor thought seeing River interact with her parents would help him uncover this great mystery surrounding River Song. He realized now that finding out who she was never had been the goal. Finding out who she _is_ however… now that was something worth striving for. He found himself at a disadvantage with River, and it made him uneasy. So many decades traveling with her, and just recently learning of Mels… a past generation raised with the Ponds, but he still felt like he was missing something big. Amy and Rory could shed light on this mystery. They saw something he didn’t.

River loved to pretend. She’d learned from the best. She laughed with Amy as if they could be satisfied with the fact that little baby Melody Pond died a long time ago. She teased Rory as if the tears he’d shed upon holding her in his arms never happened… and never would. Deflection was done carefully with sexual innuendo and hints of their future adventures together. His eyes weren’t closed to her tricks anymore. The Doctor knew better. What he wouldn’t give to go back in time to discover all the ‘pauses’ he’d missed. That’s what he called them. _Pauses._ Sometimes they were _cracks_. They were moments of truth, the damage in her armor that told the story of her thoughts.

“Oi, you! It’s not that I don’t mind being undressed by you, sweetie… but we do have company!” she teased.

The Doctor was snapped out of his musings in time to witness the cringe Rory sent her way. “Must you always be so incongruous?” he complained, still making peace with the fact that River Song was his _daughter_.

Amy laughed, patting River’s leg. “Honestly, it shouldn’t be a surprise. And we thought Mels was bad!”

There it was! A _pause_. River’s demeanor shifting for the briefest of moments, that was what he’d been waiting for. It wasn’t satisfying to see her eyes lose their humor, and her lips twitch. Why would mention of Mels affect her so? He was still missing it. Time was always running out for them, and his biggest fear was that when her time came… he wouldn’t be ready for it. His puzzle wouldn’t be completed. “Well, let’s face it… I do love a bad girl,” he finally spoke, breaking the moment before her parents could notice.

River’s smirk returned, wide and thankful. “Oh honey… do you ever!”

*~*~*

He’d thought it was, perhaps, guilt over his death that caused these spiraling cracks through her timeline. He ran as if nothing was chasing him, but River was always running just the same. What could she possibly be running from? When the Ponds were busy they traveled together… him and her. Like Donna, River was the one who told him to stop. Like Martha, she was clever and quick. Like Rose… she made his hearts skip several beats every time he took her hand. She had Amy’s strength, and Rory’s loyalty. She was, in some ways, the perfect companion.

He didn’t much like it when she’d go off on him like Tegan used to. She got into trouble more often than Adric. She was his equal, must like Romana. She also made him laugh, just like Sarah Jane. Oh… he could go on and on. There just wasn’t enough time. That was all well and good, but it didn’t explain the cracks (why she paused). Despite being the perfect companion, it seemed ironic that in some ways, she wasn’t a companion at all. Sometimes it felt like he was following her around the universe… and he really didn’t mind.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Hmmm? Yes, dear.”

“If I’m boring you, we could always go back and you pick the next place. I’d assumed you would appreciate the beauty,” River told him, head slightly turned as she lay beside him on the purple grass of Hallox IV. The suns mirrored that of Gallifrey’s suns, and the sky was golden and orange with light. It did remind him of home. He supposed that was the reason River had chosen this destination.

“I was just thinking.”

“Yes, you do that. What about?”

They were lying on the grass side by side. The Doctor was idly manipulating River’s hand which rested warmly in his. His thumb traced fingers, felt the softness of her skin against his. It’d been several weeks since he’d revealed another crack. He turned his head to face her, held her gaze, smiling innocently. “I wonder what my people would have thought of you… human _and_ Time Lord.”

River shrugged against the grass, laughing. “I imagine they wouldn’t have approved.”

“Certainly not… they never did appreciate beauty,” he mused.

No pause, though her eyes did soften, even as her voice deepened. “Their loss.”

He’d been hoping to reveal another crack, but in the end it was him that stiffened, his smile was the one that faltered. His entire race… lost. Burned away from the universe, but never gone from his hearts. The Doctor should have never brought them up.

River noticed immediately. Perhaps he wasn’t the only one trying to solve a puzzle. “We can still leave if you want,” she told him gently, probably concerned the sky had turned into a painful reminder of his home.

He shook his head. “No… no, I want to stay.” He could see her hesitation. “Please.”

“Okay sweetie. We’ll stay. We’ll stay as long as you’d like.”

*~*~*

He thought, perhaps, her guard would lower when alone. It seemed like a good plan, a solid plan. However his plans never went according to… well… plan. Sneaking around the Tardis, around Amy and Rory’s home, in the shadows of Stormcage… but if anything, those were the moments she seemed extra cautious. It didn’t make any sense! Or perhaps it made perfect sense? The Silence manipulated her since birth. They took her from her parents, used hypnotic suggestion and fear to turn her into a weapon. Being alone might have been substantially _more_ terrifying for her.

River Song never dropped her guard when she was alone. She was the woman who never slept in Stormcage or even with the Ponds, but he’d seen her sleep so peacefully in the Tardis. She felt safe in his mad, blue box. It made him run to her more often as the reality of her experience hit him. He’d never imagined what’d been done to her as a child; most of it would have been forgotten anyway. Most of the manipulations were done while she was an infant. She never suffered physically. The damage was psychological, and buried under a surface too impossible to destroy. Why would you want to? Why would anyone want to remember the Silence?

“Do you trust yourself, Melody Pond?”

He’d seen her pause once over the mention of that word… _trust_. She didn’t this time. There was no hesitation, not even for a second. “Perhaps… hard to tell,” she answered with the faintest smile. “With you around, dear, how could I?”

Despite the flirting, he could tell she was being honest. She was telling him something in the only way she could. She didn’t really trust herself. She was just as dangerous as he was, so why would she? The Doctor wanted a crack, and this wasn’t it, but he knew he was getting close. A crack when talking about whether _he_ should trust her. A crack when talking about her previous regeneration, Mels. The Doctor realized he’d been going about his quest all wrong, and even worse, River seemed to have caught on.

“You could just ask, you know,” she whispered through the prison bars that separated them. Stuck on some moon somewhere waiting for their supposed execution and they could have escaped whenever they wanted, but where was the fun in that?

“Ask you what, River?” he questioned, playing dumb, it was a default.

River held his gaze in the dark, and he’d never seen her so serious. “You do love a good puzzle, Doctor. Don’t you? You want to be clever and figure it all out by yourself, but it doesn’t work like that.”

He smiled to look disarming, soften the intensity of the moment. Of course she knew. She always knew. “Aren’t you going to tell me to stop? Spoilers?”

She shook her head, and he watched the curls shift over her face a little more. “Not this time, sweetie… but here’s a warning instead. Eventually, if you keep playing with the cracks, something’s bound to shatter.”

The Doctor felt his chest tighten. The hairs on the back of his neck stood. It wasn’t her warning that bothered him the most. No… what bothered him was he wanted it to shatter, and apparently… so did she.

*~*~*

In the end it was Jim the Fish that caused the next crack. It came when he least expected it to. There was running, and mobsters, and space guns. Jim the Fish wasn’t an actual fish (although that can happen), but he was good at making his enemies sleep with the fishes. It’s how he got the name. New York wasn’t a very easy place to get to in some points in time, but the future was always up for grabs. New New York! What a city!

They had the police after them on the one side, and rival mobster Franky ‘The Boy’ (such a rubbish title) on the other side. No one was going to be coming out victorious if they didn’t find a way to stop Yasmin Coldfield from manipulating Frank into taking over New New York with future technology stolen by Jim the Fish. The three of them were trying to stop Frank together. Eventually, they’d gotten themselves cornered and been forced to hide. Nowhere to run. They had to stay put. Just like that… a moment in between running and screaming… and he saw her crack.

“Yasmin… she was a good girl once, Doctor Song. She was all sweet and innocent like any dame. She had everything ahead her, and it was taken away. Something happened… and there was no going back,” said Jim with his back against the bricks, staring out into the alley they were hiding in, a look out in case they were spotted.

“What happened?” she asked, crouched down beside him. She almost seemed afraid of his answer, but it didn’t keep her from asking. The Doctor loved that about her.

Jim’s eyes turned to the Doctor, holding his gaze as if his next words were meant solely for _him_. He hadn’t even been the one to ask the question. River followed his gaze. Jim opened his mouth to speak, and his voice sounded rough. “She met me.”

He saw the pause out of his peripheral vision. She was looking at him, still and losing the color from her face. It was a crack, and a big one, so it seemed. She hadn’t even bothered to hide it this time. He shifted to get a better look, take in the moment before it slipped away. River knew the Doctor from the very beginning, and they’d met lots of times… though it wasn’t until Mels that they were officially introduced. She’d thought herself a psychopath, born to kill the Doctor. She couldn’t possibly compare their relationship to that of Jim and Yasmin, so he wasn’t quite sure why she paused. Was it because he was the reason she was taken in the first place? Did she blame him for the woman she’d become? She’d told him there was nothing that could be done? Time couldn’t be rewritten… not one line. A glance back at ‘The Fish’ told the Doctor all he needed to know. He was more perceptive than they’d given him credit for. Somehow… he got the feeling Jim the Fish knew more about River’s cracks than _he_ did.

“And then she met Frank,” the Doctor spoke, trying to shift their focus… on the person truly responsible for their situation.

River’s crack closed, and the walls went up. She turned away to look at Jim, holding her gun close. “Dominoes, sweetie… it’s all a game of dominoes.”

*~*~*

They’d been married in a day that never happened. As far as he was concerned, it counted, but they’d married again later just in case… make things a bit more official. He’d danced, of course, and River laughed (mostly at him). The Ponds weren’t there. They should have been, but from their perspective he was dead, and he needed it to remain that way. He was quite certain that eventually they’d find out the truth. River had so many secrets, but it occurred to him that she liked to share the important ones with her parents.

He’d wondered if those cracks ever happened when he wasn’t around, and it was just her and the Ponds. He’d seen a crack at the mention of Mels. At first, he’d speculated that perhaps she felt some sort of guilt for the things done when she didn’t know him. She’d saved him in the end though, so he didn’t feel like that made any sense. Why would she feel guilty about something she’d fixed? He was back to the creepy stalking again, and he knew River was right. He wanted to be clever. He wanted to figure her out on his own… to understand the mystery that had kept him running away from her (and to her all the same).

“Where are you?” asked Amy with the strangest look in her eyes. His Amelia was sipping tea in the yard, obviously expecting River’s company. The Doctor kept hidden, wondering how often their daughter would pop in for a visit. He was relieved she did. Sometimes he worried about the Ponds. Their daughter was taken from them so young, and growing up together didn’t change the fact that she’d never raise her only child properly.

River was wearing jeans, and a scarlet top. Her hair was tied up with curls falling from the side. It made her look elegant, but he missed the large mane he was used to. “The end of the universe… beautiful wedding, by the way.”

Amy’s smile was faint, but still so… wrong. It didn’t reach her eyes, not in the least. “The Doctor danced,” she whispered with the faintest laugh.

“If you call that dancing!” he replied in disgust. “What about you?”

His jaw dropped in offence, but he kept to the shadows, resisting the urge to say something and reveal his stalking. Amy cupped her tea and shifted to cross her legs, glancing over at her daughter once more. “You know Rory and I have been trying again, yeah?”

_Trying_? Trying what? River nodded. “Are you really?” Her words were cautious and calculating. She only did that when there were ‘spoilers’ to keep.

Amy nodded. “It’s uh… it’s been almost a month, River. I’m not sure I could stand it to see Rory disappointed again. I don’t think… don’t think it’ll happen again for us.”

The crack… there it was. River’s body stilled. She turned away from Amy, focusing on the clear black sky. It was too close to the city to see that many stars. “Rory… he wanted more kids?”

“We both did. We always wanted a big family, you know? I just… what if we can’t have them? I’m supposed to be seeing a Doctor, but I’m terrified. What if we never… what if we can’t ever have more kids? It’s not fair, River,” Amy told her, so sad and broken.

The Silence. They must have done something to her. He should have expected this, but it shook him just the same. All that travelling, and what did he ever do for them in return? He could see it in Amelia’s eyes. She was hurting. His scrutiny switched back to his wife, and the cracks were so exposed, splintering out wildly to reveal her own hidden pain. Was that it, with Mels? River Song, she could do anything… but she couldn’t ever be what her parents needed her to be. She couldn’t be that little infant taken from their arms… though she’d certainly tried. River had searched for her parents as a child. She’d kept close to them throughout their lives, their best mate. The Ponds were raising her without even knowing it. This was all Melody Pond could give her parents, but it wasn’t enough. It could never be enough.

The silence between the two women was broken when River finally spoke. “Life hardly ever is, mother.” His Pond women, they were sitting there broken, and he was a Doctor who couldn’t fix any of it. He couldn’t heal this… this moment between them. Amy didn’t even see the way River hid away from her. She didn’t even notice the unshed tears in her daughter’s eyes. “You could always adopt, I suppose.”

Amy shook her head. “It wouldn’t be the same, River. It wouldn’t be _ours_. We just wanted to be parents….”

River swallowed hard, nodding gently, saying nothing. _‘Oh Amy, you are parents… please see that. Your daughter needs you more than you know.’_ He watched, in awe truly, as River closed the cracks slowly and reached out to Amy to take her hand. They both held on, drawing comfort from the touch, as if it could be enough, would ever be enough. Perhaps for them… it was all they had? The Doctor decided snooping this way wasn’t quite so worthwhile anymore. River had been right. The cracks were splintering… it was going to shatter. He couldn’t stop it now. It was already too late.

*~*~*

They made love on Calderon Beta under the stars. It wasn’t part of the plan. It was just supposed to be a night out, their first, and he’d had such massive plans. The tree, a little spot reserved just for them, and all the stars he could give his wife. She was so young. His hearts ached to see her young, realizing what that meant for them, that time was ticking away. River Song had always been very forward in her interest, and through their relationship he’d seen no reason to deny her. They were married, after all. Who would dare refuse a ‘dance’ from the beautiful River Song?

For once, he’d hoped not to see the cracks he’d spent so many decades looking for. For once, all he’d wanted was to hold her together rather than watch her break apart. So many years awaited her in Stormcage, and this was just the beginning. He wanted her to know that their nights together would always be like this. He treasured each moment, each adventure, and she had all that ahead of her. So they popped up the tree, he showed her the stars, and it happened. Her first time… and all he could do was hold onto the hope that it wouldn’t be his last.

“Will it always be like this?” River asked, her body still pressed into his, though they’d thought it best to dress just in case. Others had reserved other branches, and he’d rather their activities remain private… including his privates. It wasn’t like they were going to church, after all!

He wanted to lie, but for once he didn’t. “Not always. Usually there’s running, a few mysteries, royally cross dignitaries… monsters.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it, Doctor. You and I… it won’t always be like this, will it?” she asked, with a sigh.

He peered down at her, tapping her nose affectionately. “You’ve got so much to come. In the nights it’s just you and I running, River… just us. Sometimes I’m older. Sometimes I’m younger. We always run though… from the start to the finish… and I wouldn’t ever change that.”

River smiled, her eyes shined, and there was so much hope… written across her face. When River told him what he had to look forward to, all he could think about was how the story would end. River didn’t have to worry about that just yet. It was all ahead of her… time and space… all up for grabs. It shouldn’t have made his chest ache. No cracks. This was River without her cracks and pauses. Why did he miss them? How could he ever miss them?

“Doctor?”

“Yes, dear?”

“I think it is worth it… my parents were right. You’re worth it,” she whispered, and kissed the spot just under his nipple, covered by the thin fabric of his dress shirt.

He smiled back and wondered, holding her just a bit tighter, if she thought the cracks were worth it too. He hoped so… oh how he hoped….

*~*~*

He saw it in her eyes even when she smiled and told him she’d stay (but only for a while). He’d expected her to mourn with him. _‘River…they were your parents.’_ That wasn’t her way. It never had been. A lifetime of spoilers, and all he’d ever been left with was an unanswered mystery he couldn’t solve. It wasn’t a game anymore. The cracks had splintered… and turned into damage. He did the same thing. She’d learned it from him. How many times had he flashed that exact same smile at his companion (at Amy) and kept secret his own cracks?

He’d never felt it from this side before… being the one left in the dark; the irony being that he’d never really hidden his own damage from River. He’d certainly tried. He’d tried to hide from her, to run from her, but she pulled him back every time. She was the strong one. She was the brave one. She took care of him the way he’d always wanted to take care of her… always saving him (even to the death).

The Doctor followed her back to their quarters, shared considering how frequently she was on board. The Tardis had been more than happy to give them a place of their own. River had a book to write, but he wouldn’t let her start now… not just yet. “River.”

She looked up at him from the bed. Papers were spread all around with scribbled notes of her experience in New York. “Yes, sweetie?”

He’d cried enough… over Amy… for Rory… but mostly for himself. Amelia was waiting… that little girl sitting there with such hopes… to travel with the raggedy man. She’d wait just a second more. The last page fluttered to the floor at his feet as he stepped into their private room and he closed the distance between himself and his wife. He pulled her into his arms before he could think better of it. When was the last time he’d given her a hug? Nothing sexual, nothing teasing… just a proper hug. Had he ever done such? He couldn’t remember. He would hug her now.

River held him, and he felt the point when everything shattered. The cracks, the damage… all too much. She was shaking. So was he. He couldn’t stop her from this moment, but he’d be damned if he let her shatter alone. “My River,” he whispered, holding on till he could barely breathe. “You warned me, but I didn’t listen.”

He buried his face in the crook of her neck. He felt her arms tighten around him, felt her grip his shirt with such desperation. “We both knew you wouldn’t,” she whispered back.

Losing Amy and Rory was hard, perhaps the hardest thing he’d experienced in a very long time. He did hate endings, and while he’d stood in that grave yard begging for time to stand still… it was River who remained strong and told her to go. It was River that finally put her parents first. She couldn’t give them their baby back. She couldn’t be the child they’d wanted. Despite all the amazing things she would do… she would forever be the disappointment to the two people she treasured most. She wouldn’t change a thing… just as selfish as him, perhaps? Not one line. Telling Amy to go was all she had to give, a gift of selfless love. _They wouldn’t have their family, but they would always have each other._

“You are the best of me, River Song. Centuries together, and why is it that I only realize that now? You truly are the best of me.”

He felt his shirt stain with tears. He was certain her dress was equally wet with his. “I wish I could believe that,” she admitted, holding back a sob.

“It’s okay, River… it’s okay. I’ll believe… I’ll believe for the both of us.”

*~*~*

Darillium and the Singing Towers. This would be their last night together. The towers sang just as River had promised. He’d cried. He’d already watched River shatter. Now it would be his turn. When they made love it wasn’t like the first… his or hers. He reached into her mind, and opened his own to her. The Library remained the only door closed off to her… the one spoiler he couldn’t share. Her own abilities allowed her to explore his mind, rip through him like lightening and fire, and he was more than willing to burn. She saw everything, felt everything, whispered his name (his proper name) into his ear till he couldn bare the building pressure no longer. When she screamed… so did he.

He wanted her to know it… to know everything. He’d solved the mystery of her, and it’d only made him love her more. She would have something to take with her that no one else ever would. River Song wasn’t just the woman that married the Doctor. She wasn’t just the Human plus Time Lord. River Song was the woman that _knew_ the Doctor… the way no one else ever would. It was the only selfless gift he could give her before sending her to the Library. The Doctor hated endings, but for once he would face this… because he knew _she_ would’ve. It was River Song that stopped the Doctor from running. No one else had ever been capable of that.

When he looked into her eyes, he realized in that moment that something was different. He couldn’t place it at first. His ears were still ringing from the intensity of their shared sexual experience beneath the towers. His mind buzzed, and his body ached in the wake of their passion. It took him a moment to see it, to realize. No pause. That was it. No cracks. The damage was gone. River Song had put herself back together again. “River….”

“I wish you would just tell me what’s wrong,” she told him.

He dropped his forehead to hers, and closed his eyes. “Spoilers.”

A sigh, accepting the word that still sat between them. “I know, my love… I know it,” she assured him. She kissed his lips tenderly, holding onto him much as he’d held her when she shattered. He could only hope that one day he would put himself back together again… as she had.

“How did you do it?” he asked finally. He needed to know. He needed to understand how she’d picked up the pieces.

She didn’t speak, at first. She waited until the towers went quiet, waited patiently for the silence, she waited for his eyes to finally lift to hers. “Oh my Doctor… you know the answer to that. It isn’t some big secret… especially not for you.” She shook her head and smiled. “Time, Doctor. All it takes is time.”

Those words would be seared onto his hearts till the day he regenerated, the truest words she’d ever spoken to him. Time heals all wounds… including cracks.

**The End**


End file.
